"I sat alone on the bowsprit, rocking to a gentle tidal surge, waiting for him to show. We met online and I really hoped he'd fill that special place in my heart. As I gazed into the depths, a shadowy figure rose to the surface, shot my direction and swept past with a quick glance and aloof flick of a flipper. I thought, 'Gosh, my Facebook picture isn't that much younger!' Disappointed, I watched his bubbly wake disappear beneath a screeching gaggle of Kittiwakes. Then, looking down, my heart leapt as his charming face slipped through the sparkling surface with a smile and a wink. We drifted face-to-face for a time, then he arched his sleek back and was gone - off to capture another heart, no doubt. The big boys in the Eared Seal family aren't much on commitment, but I hear they pile on a great sleepover - so, careful girls."